Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
