We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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