They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
