i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
