Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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