There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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