His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
how drunk are you?
Several
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
