Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
