He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
