New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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