last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
