STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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