i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
