if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
