It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We have started to decorate penises.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
