I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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