Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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(817): View more from Texas

I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

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(352): View more from Florida

He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(408): View more from California

He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"

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(256): View more from Alabama

I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.

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