You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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