He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.