He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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