Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job