If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
