dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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