i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
