how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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