Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are we still banned from the library?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
