K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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