The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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