Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My bed smells like the plague
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
