That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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