I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's always time for handjobs
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
