my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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