i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
