Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
