You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
