Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
