Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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