I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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