its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
