I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
