she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
