You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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