I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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