pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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