yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
