Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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