so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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