after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
