The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
