So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize