why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
