He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
