thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
