the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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