Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
