dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
