Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
