Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
