I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
