Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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