Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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