I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
