She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
