I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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