When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
