he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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