love makes seman taste better
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Vodka?
Forever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
