Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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