Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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