her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
